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I miss my worry dolls from when I was a kid. And if I had them, I'm not sure I'd have enough of them to get rid of all the worry I feel right now. I have realized that the one feeling I feel consistently is worry. I do feel happiness and love everyday, but worry is always that nagging voice in the back of my mind.
Something seems so odd as of late. I'm seeing a "dark cloud" over practically everyone. Lots of stress and anxiety and my worry-meter is off the charts. I guess I'm seeing all these negative things happening to others and feel intense sadness for them. I think the list of things I'm worried about finally caused me to break this evening....
I'm worried about a friend of mine that attempted suicide a few weeks ago and I can't get it out of my mind. To hear her words of dispair and loneliness frightens me to the point of checking in with her nearly every single day and feeling like I need to come to her rescue, even for the little things. I was with her the last time she had thoughts about attempting and we got her help. I was so proud of her for reaching out to ask for help. My lameass mind thought that maybe she would do that again if she felt like she would attempt. Apparently I was wrong.
I'm worried about my mom and brother. Both of them are very negative people, as of late. Their spirits are really down and I feel guilty for not knowing how to make things better and seem to only offer to go out and get a cocktail and play darts. I guess I seem to be more skilled at diversionary-tactics than at solving problems or just helping out.
I'm worried about a friend that has an awful divorce mediation this week. His (soon-to-be) ex-wife is really hitting him below the belt. Her requests are beyond what any soundminded person would consider reasonable and fair. I truly don't understand the motivations behind the ridiculous demands and have determined, along with my friend, that whatever the outcome, hopefully karma will reward and punish accordingly.
I'm worried I won't be able to find a motivation to get me to exercise. I was doing really great on my diet, for the past 4-weeks, and felt that this week I'd be down in weight. Nope... I gained 1.4 pounds. I know it isn't the end of the world but it feels awful. I was really good with everything this last week and kept to the plan. I did splurge, only two times, but not so badly that I felt it would have caused me to go up. Somehow, I'm going to need to find the "oomph" to get through this week and really make progress. I am foolish to think that weightloss is going to come with only reducing portion sizes and intake of fats. Aside from the stress, booze and worry, I DO feel healthier for all the smart food choices I have made in the last 5-weeks. I reassessed my goal on weightloss, this evening, and need to loose a total of 30 pounds to get to my weight watchers goal. In a year's time, I think this is a reasonable goal.
I'm worried about the future of my company. We always seem to land on our feet, but the price that is paid is awful. Laying off employees is so scary and I'm seeing this become more and more prevalent amongst people in my life. My mom's company laid off 25% of their workforce, and a friend of mine, that had a job as "secure" as mine, was laid off in early December. He had been at his company for 6+ years. And then..... The announcement that 4500 people, at my company, have to go has cast the darkest cloud over the office. I haven't seen anything this bad since the death of a boss in 2001 and the layoffs in 1999. I've had a couple conversations with co-workers and the general feeling is that no one is safe. I agree. I have heard from several co-workers "oh, Randi, you don't have anything to worry about" and it does not make me feel any better. Mostly because I feel I'm in the same boat with everyone. I feel that I have more experience than a lot of people, and have invested a lot of time in the 14 years I have been there, but I think the company has a strong agenda to get their priorities on-track and they don't care what the cost is. All the employees in my division will know if they are safe (or not) on February 20th. I am hoping that I am one of the safe-ones.
Things I am thankful for:
A boyfriend who listens and loves
Good friends
My family
My kitty
A roof over my head
Food on my table
A comfortable bed to sleep in
Something seems so odd as of late. I'm seeing a "dark cloud" over practically everyone. Lots of stress and anxiety and my worry-meter is off the charts. I guess I'm seeing all these negative things happening to others and feel intense sadness for them. I think the list of things I'm worried about finally caused me to break this evening....
I'm worried about a friend of mine that attempted suicide a few weeks ago and I can't get it out of my mind. To hear her words of dispair and loneliness frightens me to the point of checking in with her nearly every single day and feeling like I need to come to her rescue, even for the little things. I was with her the last time she had thoughts about attempting and we got her help. I was so proud of her for reaching out to ask for help. My lameass mind thought that maybe she would do that again if she felt like she would attempt. Apparently I was wrong.
I'm worried about my mom and brother. Both of them are very negative people, as of late. Their spirits are really down and I feel guilty for not knowing how to make things better and seem to only offer to go out and get a cocktail and play darts. I guess I seem to be more skilled at diversionary-tactics than at solving problems or just helping out.
I'm worried about a friend that has an awful divorce mediation this week. His (soon-to-be) ex-wife is really hitting him below the belt. Her requests are beyond what any soundminded person would consider reasonable and fair. I truly don't understand the motivations behind the ridiculous demands and have determined, along with my friend, that whatever the outcome, hopefully karma will reward and punish accordingly.
I'm worried I won't be able to find a motivation to get me to exercise. I was doing really great on my diet, for the past 4-weeks, and felt that this week I'd be down in weight. Nope... I gained 1.4 pounds. I know it isn't the end of the world but it feels awful. I was really good with everything this last week and kept to the plan. I did splurge, only two times, but not so badly that I felt it would have caused me to go up. Somehow, I'm going to need to find the "oomph" to get through this week and really make progress. I am foolish to think that weightloss is going to come with only reducing portion sizes and intake of fats. Aside from the stress, booze and worry, I DO feel healthier for all the smart food choices I have made in the last 5-weeks. I reassessed my goal on weightloss, this evening, and need to loose a total of 30 pounds to get to my weight watchers goal. In a year's time, I think this is a reasonable goal.
I'm worried about the future of my company. We always seem to land on our feet, but the price that is paid is awful. Laying off employees is so scary and I'm seeing this become more and more prevalent amongst people in my life. My mom's company laid off 25% of their workforce, and a friend of mine, that had a job as "secure" as mine, was laid off in early December. He had been at his company for 6+ years. And then..... The announcement that 4500 people, at my company, have to go has cast the darkest cloud over the office. I haven't seen anything this bad since the death of a boss in 2001 and the layoffs in 1999. I've had a couple conversations with co-workers and the general feeling is that no one is safe. I agree. I have heard from several co-workers "oh, Randi, you don't have anything to worry about" and it does not make me feel any better. Mostly because I feel I'm in the same boat with everyone. I feel that I have more experience than a lot of people, and have invested a lot of time in the 14 years I have been there, but I think the company has a strong agenda to get their priorities on-track and they don't care what the cost is. All the employees in my division will know if they are safe (or not) on February 20th. I am hoping that I am one of the safe-ones.
Things I am thankful for:
A boyfriend who listens and loves
Good friends
My family
My kitty
A roof over my head
Food on my table
A comfortable bed to sleep in
Current Mood: 
worried
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